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Hi Everyone and welcome to Part 3 of "MY LIFE in Japan"… Actually this is Part 4 as the last month’s blog diary was postponed (put off) due to the earthquake. Before starting this month’s 3rd chapter, I would like to express my sincerest wishes to the citizens of the earthquake disaster zones. My prayers go out to all those affected and wish them the strength and courage to rebuild and recover.
For the entire month of March, I had been feeling a sense of solidarity with the people around me while at the same time experiencing a sense of isolation. We were all going through the same predicament in that so many changes to normal life have been introduced. Some big and some small.
Example:
1. Purchase limit of 1 item (tissue paper, yogurt, water, etc…)
2. Electricity conservation (cutting energy usage)
3. Radiation situation and its implications on health concerns.
I also have an awareness of isolation in that I am alone in this new country when I am alone. My parents, friends, and family are all telling me to leave Japan at least for the time being but I can not bring myself to leaving. I can’t put my finger on it but I am compelled to stay.
I understand there are alot of "flyjins" (Fly + gaijin = foreigners who flew out of Japan) who left Japan for safety concerns but I want to stay. I hope that decision is one that I will not regret later. 🙂
I guess in some part, the wave of foreigners who left Japan has its good and bad points. Especially in the field that I am currently working, English teaching, the industry has taken a serious hit. I heard from a friend of mine who is also an English teacher at a major school that they are closing some branches due to the lack of teachers. On the other hand, my class sizes have increased since about 50% of the teachers I work with have returned to their countries creating a shortage of needed teachers.
Some of my students have complained that class sizes are now too big. Usual lesson size was from 4 to 6 students but now there are almost 10 students to a class. I asked my manager to add more classes and reduce the size per class but he mentioned that was not feasible. I feel he should at least reduce the price that students are charged. However, he told me I should focus on teaching and leave the management side to him. I wish managers here would at least listen to their staff more instead of merely brushing off my ideas.
Luckily, I have been getting introduced to more and more private students where I either teach at cafes or via Skype online lessons. This has helped me greatly in establishing my own clientele where I feel that I can be my own boss. I hope, for selfish reasons, that I can continue to teach privately if I get more students so I can follow my own methods to teach the students one to one rather than follow a "generic" lesson structure at my school.
I guess both options have their pros and cons and that I should not complain. I guess that is how I need to adapt my way of thinking…
[Cultural Note 1: The grass is always greener on the other side- I feel this applies to almost any person’s situation. We always imagine things are always better than our own.]
Life for me has not changed so much as my work schedule is relatively back as usual and I am back in the swing of normalcy with my private life. With that being said however, there was a situation this week that made me reflect on my own life this week.
In one of my lessons, a private student of mine told me about her experience on the day of the earthquake which I felt it was a little sad (not in a condescending way) to be honest, but in some ways that I felt it was similar to my own.
She told me that immediately after the earthquake, she noticed many people trying to contact loved ones to see if they were safe or not, but she had nobody to call. Furthermore, when she got home to an empty dark apartment room with books scattered all over the floor and broken glass in the kitchen, she felt a great sense of loneliness and despair. Nobody was waiting for her return nor did anyone call to see if she was ok. She asked me "Who cry if I die". I tried to cheer her up by explaining maybe the phone systems were overloaded but my attempts were in vain.
I learned that her parents divorced when she was younger with both parents remarrying with her living with her mom. She grew distant from her father and her relationship with her mother grew strained year by year to the point that they barely ever speak. Furthermore, she talked about a time when she was going to marry in her early 30s only to have the wedding cancelled weeks before because her fiance’s mother felt she was "unfit" as a wife.
She started crying in front of me while we were in the middle of a coffeeshop which left me in a panic as I did not know what to do. In the U.S., I would "hug" her and attempt to express my support but for some reason I was not sure if that would be appropriate in Japan. Little by little, I am feeling the difference in thinking between the two cultures. Should I be American? Or Should I be more "Japanese"? ( I am not trying to stereotype either culture or belief as unique to a particular race. Rather, I am trying to explain the "mentality" or way of thinking)
It left me to think about where I am in my life. Come to think of it, I too came home to an empty apartment and nobody had called me. Of course I realized that my parents were probably asleep at the time of the quake so it made me feel a little better. Maybe I am thinking too much but where is my position in this world… Had I left everything and everyone behind to come to a country where I would be alone? What does "alone" mean anyways?
I know that I am not "alone" in the sense that I have nobody to care about me as I have new friends here in Japan.. Nonetheless, other than the one person I tried to call after the quake who is a friend I met when I first came to Japan, who here would notice or miss me when I am not here?
In a city with millions of people, who would call me if a trajedy struck? If I were unreachable by phone for some reason or another, who would come to my apartment to check if I were ok? If I were injured in an accident, who would come visit me at the hospital?
Have I changed so much in the last few months to like "solitude" or is it just that this society of "politeness" and "courtesy" promotes an environment where "private" space is important thereby making me less likely to intrude on others’ lives. Am I just thinking too much or over reacting?
Is being "too kind" making me less "friendly"? ok.. stop it. I am getting off track and making myself feel depressed. It is just me….. I need to stop this nonsensical way of thinking.
I guess what I am trying to say through all the jibberish I just wrote is that everyone needs a sense of importance or a feeling that we are important to someone. When something bad happens, we immediately feel that special someone we need to reach out to. However, during normal life, we don’t appreciate these very same people as much.
Why do we do that? Why do we take for granted the good things we have in life?
I think I will TRY harder to show the people in my life how important they are to me and how much I appreciate them. Not only in times of crisis, but all the time if possible.
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renewed call
I think we made a wrong turn. Let’s 
