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(Gregory : early 30’s German):
Different is not good : Learning to be someone else
"Life had finally started to work out for me at least financially in Japan. I was working part time at a smaller English school but found the environment was more suited for me as it was "more comfortable" in that I was allowed to be myself. I didn’t have to stick to a standard curriculum of teaching and was given autonomy to customized my lesson plans on how I felt my students wanted to learn.
I was also able to teach students in my free time through student and teacher matching services which I have grown to love doing. For once, I felt I had taken control over how I wanted to work and live.
Furthermore, I finally found an apartment that was "foreigner friendly" as the owner had a son living in Australia and was interested in taking lessons with me as well. I taught her once a week and she discounted my rent 15,000yen a month. She has really become like a mom to me and I do little miscellaneous things for her like helping her set up wifi, going to get an ipad with her and set up skype/facetime to call her son, and sometimes helping her clean around the building.
I started to realize that my original thinking that Japan was not a place for foreigners was starting to change. Unlike other countries where I have been to that accepted people as themselves, Japan is one that will accept people once they have become more "Japanese". Meaning society here seems to be good for foreigners who can adapt to the Japanese mindset in that we need to think more of others and the people around us rather than thinking only of ourselves. Individuality and uniqueness are not qualities that are readily accepted.
Day by day, week by week, and even month by month, I reflect to myself as to how I can better adapt to my new surroundings. Things like thinking "it is not my responsibility" when in the workplace was changed to "everything could be my responsibility". With regards to my original belief that a contract is the standard rule of employment, I learned to not expect all the stipulations as my "right" but rather. Even applied to my personal life, I had to force myself to understand my girlfriend’s father’s ideas of belief that part time employment was not as stable as a full time job. Rather than start an argument or be confrontational about it, I decided to just "pretend" to accept his ideas/concerns.
Most importantly, it is not that a foreign person needs to change but rather they need to pretend to be someone else. The rules of Japanese society in my opinion does not apply to only foreigners but rather everyone including Japanese. People need to have "two faces" to live harmoniously in this rigid society. When alone, you can be anyone you want to be. However, when with coworkers, neighbors, etc…, it is important to put on a different face of whatever fits in that particular situation.
I understand it is about pretending to be what everyone expects of you. Lose yourself and be accepted.
It is sort of sad but not the end of the world.. Rather, just the beginning of a new life in Japan.
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