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(Yuko : late 50’s Japanese): English Version translated from Japanese

" Unfortunately, after 30 years of marriage and two grownup children between us, I’m thinking about getting a divorce from my husband. It’s not due to his infidelity or that we despise each other, but because we have simply grown apart over the years. As our children have moved out of the house, and we have a lot of time to ourselves, I have realized how little we talk and even worse, how little we try to spark the simplest of conversations.

After 30 years of being a “good” housewife who took care of the house and family, I’d like to finally enjoy my newfound freedom and travel across the world and take part in many activities like ballroom dancing, but my husband has already told me that he isn’t a bit interested and would not join me in any of them. It may sound selfish, but I think that my husband is weighing me down and I don’t think that I can enjoy whatever is left of my life.

Of course, I’m mindful of how my friends and family especially my children will be affected by this divorce. This is the primary factor that is making me think twice about going through with the divorce, but another is my financial situation after the breakup. I maybe able to get a one-time settlement called, “Isharyou,” which may come out to be about few million yen, but my standard of living would surely decline from what it is now. Also, since our children are all grownup, I can’t collect monthly stipend in the form of child support. So, it becomes an age-old dilemma of having little money and happy or having a lot of money and unhappy.

I know that it’s too late for me, but I have heard about American couples signing a prenuptial and the women usually collecting hoards of money that will set them up for life. So, just out of curiosity, I wanted to know how it works and whether I would’ve been in a better condition if I had setup a prenuptial agreement with my husband before we got married."

(Alan: early 30’s Japanese-American):

" I’m very sorry to hear about your circumstances, but I hope that you make the best choice for yourself while keeping your family in mind to a certain extent. I’m glad that you’re not asking me about whether you should get a divorce or not, but rather about just how prenuptials work in the U.S.

First, prenuptials are law-abiding contracts between a would-be groom and bride that guarantee the distribution of their wealth once the couple decides to divorce. In the traditional sense in which the husband is the breadwinner of the family and the wife stays home, it allowed the men to protect their wealth; not having to fork up a penny more than the agreed amount to his departing wife. From the women’s perspective, it allowed the women to recoup the income that may have been lost in opting to become a housewife and secure future living costs.

This agreement became popular in the U.S. in the past decade or so, highlighted by many business tycoons and high profile celebrities inking these agreements with their significant others. Although the number of couples who sign prenuptials is increasing, it still nonetheless remains for those with great wealth and mainly for the purpose of protecting assets like real estate that may be complex to divide upon a split.

One of the recent celebrity prenuptials that grabbed the public’s attention was between hip-hop mogul Jay-Z and his singer wife Beyonce, a former member of Destiny’s Child. The document stipulates that she is entitled to $25 million if they are to split. The couple’s net worth is calculated to be $400 million with one-forth of it being Jay-Z’s.

I’m not sure if there’s such a thing as a prenuptial in Japan, but in a way I think that it’s similar to “Isharyou,” which you mentioned. Perhaps the difference between the two is whether you agree to the financial terms before or after the marriage. Although the amount may come out the same at the end, I personally would like the peace of mind that comes from something being guaranteed before what could turnout to be a lengthy and nasty divorce.

Usually in high profile breakups, the money is paid out in one large sum like it would be in the case of Jay-Z and Beyonce. However, it is possible to agree to monthly stipends, which may not be common or even possible in an “Isharyou.”

Although many traditionalists and romantics disagree with the concept of a prenuptial as it looks to the “end” before the couple even gets wed, more people are starting to perceive that a marriage is a financial decision and making more shrewd decisions.

A prenuptial is not applicable in your case, but there has been a trend in the U.S. in which a husband or wife collects a substantial amount of money from their partner through divorce settlements even without a prenuptial. This amount is usually calculated by their wealth, length of marriage and whether they had children. So, I hope that it works the same way for you with the "Isharyou". "